Diary of a Mad Diabetic Woman

Dear Diary,

I've decided to blog about my diabetic journey and where is has/will lead me over the next several days, weeks, months, years.

I can say without hesitation that this has not been an enjoyable process. I was diagnosed 2002-2003 as a Type 2. Easily treatable with diet, exercise and some oral meds. No matter how easy you think it will be, it isn't. I spent a lot of time being in denial about it. No one wants to be a diabetic. A lot of people will spend too much of their time telling you what you should or shouldn't eat. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh, can you eat that?" Grrrrr!

Yes, I can eat it. The question is "Should I?" The answer more often than not, is a resounding NO!

For the first year, I did really well. Watching what I ate, exercising, taking my meds. All to no avail. My HbA1C wasn't getting any better, so the doctor added more meds. I hate taking medication. Unfortunately, all of this made me rebel. I finally decided to see an endocrinologist after a year of working out and not having any success with losing weight or getting my readings back in line.

Well golly gee, it's the meds. The cure is as bad as the disease. One of the meds hindered weight loss, but the doctor wanted me to lose weight. That was the point I said, "Screw it!" And for the next 5 years, that's pretty much been my attitude.

The last few months have been hellish for me. Between the stress of work and life in general, I've not been very happy. In fact, I've been seriously depressed. As a woman of faith, I know that God will see me through all of this, but for a while there, I felt He had turned his back on me. That's not the case. I've been praying diligently for peace and comfort. I want my joy back. I want to feel alive instead of going through the motions.

Well, God answered my prayers about a month ago. My parents ordered a book called The Diabetic Dtour by Prevention Magazine. They were on the verge of returning it when I saw it on the coffee table. I asked if I could take it home. It sat here for 3 weeks before I picked it up.

This past Wednesday, August 18, 2010, was my new beginning. I started Day 1. Horrible day. I was so incredibly hungry. I knew it was a result of putting good foods into my body. 3 meals, 2 snacks and I was ready to gnaw my arm off. But I did not shy away. I am currently on Day 5. My energy is already better. I'm not so hungry anymore. My blood sugar readings are getting better. I've lost some weight, mostly water from eliminating the salty foods.

The program says you can lose up to 13 lbs within the first two weeks. I won't know what I've lost to date until I officially weigh in on Wednesday morning as I start Week 2 of the Quick Start.

The food, all my own, has been great! I've followed the plan 98% with a couple of deviations. I have lost the cravings I've had for junky foods. I'm enjoying the whole grains and fresh fruits. I've been taking lunch and cooking dinner every night. It not easy by any stretch, but I have to do this if I want to be around for another 40+ years.

So thanks be to God for answering prayers. I've eaten better in the last 5 days than I have in the last 5 months. I've already experienced an initial 75 point drop in my fasting readings. I know it will fluctuate, but I can't let it get me down when it is elevated. I have to keep my eye on keeping it steady and continuing to drop. As I have said to friends, something is better than nothing.

I have to remind myself that my body is a temple for the glory of God and I need to treat it that way.

Goodnight, Diary. I'll be back in a few days.

2010 - The End of Eras

....Simply put, all good things must end....

To say that 2010 has been a difficult year would be an understatement.

• My company, which prided itself on being a forward thinking organization proved that greed exists no matter what the executives of the company might say. We were "merged" with another organization. What was once the corporate office has slowly been dismantled. Through RIFs and self-terminations, we are down to 18-20 people; hanging on to the hope that we will be kept as a service center with the new organization.
• Texas Stadium - that venerable behemoth, the daily milepost on my commute to work. A place where I saw my high school football team be crushed by defeat or vaulted towards state championships. The home of the Dallas Cowboys. A legend in its own right. In April it was imploded. Now my daily commute includes a rather sizeable pile of rubble which is slowly being whittled down.
• Mike Modano - oh how my heart hurts today. A future Hall of Famer, the most honored American born hockey player. This fan thought he said goodbye at the last home game of the season. It was something to see this guy cry, unabashedly moved by the outpouring of love from the fans. I bawled like a baby. Then to watch the final season game in Minnesota, where his storied career began....yes, I bawled like a baby.

  Today, though, his story with the Stars reaches its finality. The end of his days as a Dallas Stars, THE Dallas Star. This team, the only team he for whom he has ever played, made the decision to not extend his contract. As a fan, I am so wounded. I wanted Mike to retire from this team. I'm sure many of us did. I can't imagine him in the uniform of another club.

90%

...Mary Carillo is a GENIUS....

Get out of town, a brilliant journalist. Often times "brilliant journalist" falls under the term "oxymoron". This is one such time.

During a recent prime time broadcast of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics, Mary was in conversation with either Al Michaels or Bob Costas. According to Mary, "90% of Canadians live between our border and theirs." REALLY??? And the other 10% are what? Ex-pats living in a remote mountain village in Nepal?

I realize she meant to say that 90% of Canadians live within close proximity to the US Border. However, I had this mental map image of the borders with dots for all the Canadians living in Canada and10% hovering over Iceland.

I'm certain she didn't mean to sound like an idiot. It's ok Mary, I have learned to speak "stupid" and was able to translate.

Welcome to 2010

Ahhh my first post of the new year. Whoohoo! Somewhere in the morass of 2009, I lost my creative juices. Perhaps it was drained around the same time I began losing my mind. Seriously though, this year has to be better than the last.

I'm scaling back and exercising self-discipline. What a challenge. First, I'm back in church. REGULARLY. I took almost six months off and came back to a sermon entitled "Every Day With Jesus"...can you say "ouch" for the slap upside the head I received. I haven't quite figured out how the ministers know exactly what to say (translation...what I need to hear).

I am reading the daily devotionals, I'm reading my chronological bible. I am thinking about getting plugged in, but have reservations. Again with the "single" dilemma. Don't have kids, don't have a spouse....blech. But I'm sure I'll find something.

I'm making some serious changes to eating and exercise habits. I'm taking control of my health, something I should have done years ago, but it's better late than never. Besides, I don't want to have to deal with the pending doom of government health care. It costs more and covers less.

I've halved my guitar lessons. Tragic. But it's too difficult when working full time, having a life and other interests, to make a weekly session. However, since I adore my instructor, I couldn't bear to leave him, so I am taking lessons every other week. He made me a very happy girl by tabbing out some small portions to "Die Hard The Hunter" and "Fade to Black" so I can dabble with it. I see an electric guitar in my near future. Trust me when I say these don't have the same impact on a classical guitar.

I am "Dave Ramsey"ing myself. There will be a huge garage sale this spring at Casa de Indie. A chore I do not relish; however, it must be done. I am currently spring cleaning and decluttering. I still haven't figured out how one person can gather so much STUFF.

I am also contemplating a career change. Still don't know what it is I want to be when I grow up, but it's not this.

So, there are my first 14 days of 2010 in a nutshell.

It's Not Always As It Seems

What would you expect if you heard screaming riffs being played on these guitars by guys in black leather pants, sporting rocker hair cuts?

Perhaps a little headbanging heaven? A touch of metal mania? A precursor to this year's Freaker's Ball? Why, yes, Indie, if I am following stereotype, I can see all of those things.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold some of the axes belonging to the members of Taylor Swift's band.

Yes, this Taylor Swift...

As a woman of a certain age, I can say that I haven't been 19 year old Taylor's biggest fan. She writes cutsey ditties about teenaged heartbreak. Seriously? At 19, you've barely scratched the surface of life. Anyway, one of my good friends invited me to the concert. While not dreading it, mostly because I would get to see my friend, I was not exactly enthused. I really didn't relish sitting amonst screaming female tweens in a sold out show. Face it, we girls shriek. LOUDLY.

Gloriana opened the show at 7:30. Great 4 part harmony. Hopefully, they have a bright future ahead of them.

Kellie Pickler was the second act. Some of you might remember Kellie from American Idol. She has had moderate success in her singing career. Unfortunately, her voice is not suited to an arena. Or should I say the sound engineer just couldn't get it right. She has a higher pitched voice and her mike was up too high. It was a particularly painful experience. Combined with shrieking girls...I believe I've lost my hearing.

Finally, young Miss Swift took the stage shortly after 9:00 PM. Let me add here, that I made some earplugs from napkins to save my eardrums from the assault of shrieks and screams that ensued.

I can't believe I am admitting this, but Taylor Swift, at 19, is a consummate performer. Costume changes, humor, and a humblness belies her tender years. At one point, I really though she was going to burst into tear from the adulation she was receiving from the crowd. Her music, while young, is infectious. And there are a couple of tunes that I do like. So all in all, I have to give Taylor an A for her first headlining show. She's got a bright future. I hope she retains her "sweetness" as her career continues.

Somehow I must get "You Belong With Me" out of my head.