My First Worst Date of 2014

It was bound to happen eventually and I've been prepared for it...the worst date in recent history.  

I am going on hiatus from Match when my subscription ends in a few days.  Alex sent me an email, which I appreciate over a wink.  I responded.  Since I'm leaving, I gave him my alias number.  I liked his profile and we had a great hour long conversation.  Very like minded.  We agreed to meet over the weekend.

I should have known when I entered Le Madeline as a late breakfast option and the word "budget" came out of his mouth, this was not going to be a great time. Further into the conversation on Saturday,after sorting out details, he did mention he was all about independence and paying his own way.  Read that as manspeak for "chick, you're on your own"  which really doesn't bother me at all.  I always go into a first meeting with the assumption that it will be dutch.  

IHOP.  Yes, IHOP is where we met.  I love their pancakes which was the only saving grace.  We were meeting at 10:30.  I called him at 10:20 to tell him that my map directions were wrong so his GPS might not work.  He said he's running to the ATM and is running late.  Nice, you could have called but since we have a 20 minute wait anyway it's no harm no foul.

When I meet someone for the first time, I put some care into my appearance.  For crying out loud, I'm a girl.  We do things like that.  Besides, you never know if you're going to fire on all cylinders with the person and you should simply look pretty decent.  Alex shows up in jean (no issue),  a faded grey, graphic t-shirt (nothing says I'm boring like faded grey), and unkempt hair.

Had I possessed thought bubbles:  "Let's hope his conversation is better than his appearance","Dude, you could have combed your hair!", "Really?!?", "Now I see why California let you go", "An hour or less, then I'm outta here"

I am not a judgmental sort.  I'm really not.  I have people in my circle from all walks of life.  However...

We sat at a 4 top, on opposite sides (par for the course); however, instead of directly opposite, he sat adjacent.  I was required to look somewhat sideways.  Waitress was super nice, took our order and brought the coffee and water (and straws).  I poured the coffee and Alex proceeded to take the straw and stir his coffee (after adding in the goodies).  No problem.  That was until he drank his coffee with the straw still in the mug.  He never removed it.  Two cups of coffee consumed with the straw in the mug, mocking me.

Breakfast arrived, conversation continued, with gaps and pauses.  I simply wanted to eat and leave.  Check that, I just wanted to leave.  Not feeling it, not after the stories he's told me.  He has a paralegal degree, a BA in political science, a Masters in Education and no jobs in California.  He came to Texas for a better economic life.  He wants to find a woman who isn't all wrapped up in a man's finances.  HELLO RED FLAG!  I ain't the sugar mama.  He works  two part time jobs as he is looking for a full time position.  Who knows what he wants to do?  I'm not sure he does.

Picture having this conversation with a man who is drinking his coffee with a straw in the mug, while stuffing his face with strawberry and banana pancakes.  No biggie, right?  It isn't, if you aren't looking has his gaping maw full of semi-chewed pancakes.  DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN ABOVE.  But wait, there's more....random clinging food particles on his mouth.

UGH!

I couldn't look him in the face.  He was droning on and on about people in Texas being folksy and how the California women are so pretentious.  He obviously had not been to Highland Park.  I remedied his notion and proceeded to tell him that women here can be every bit as pretentious and judgmental about men.  I also told him, that by our nature, women do look at men as the protector/defender and with that comes the ability for a man to take care of us.  It's rolled into a complete package and the man has to be able to fill that roll.

I wasn't telling him that money is the only thing, because it isn't.  However, he took it that way and shortly thereafter we ended the meet.  Thank goodness, it was only one hour of my life that I won't have again.  Beyond the lack of basic manners, this jerk stiffed the waitress her portion of his tip.  What kind of person does that?  I was truly offended on her behalf at that point.

There was such a lack of chemistry, we created a sucking, black hole of nothing.  Yes it was that void.  A handshake, a smattering of pleasantries and I got to my car as fast as I could.  I prayed that I wouldn't hear from him.  God listened :)

Being a female, I arrived at my best friend's house as fast as I could to regale her with the awful, but funny details.

In spite of things having slowed to a halt with Normal Guy (he's been textually attentive this week ... uh BFD) and occasional date with Junior (we're going out on Sunday), I still prefer them 1000% over Alex.

It could have been worse.  I actually had a date back in the late 90s (after my divorce) with a man who didn't realize that nostril hair, growing out of the nostrils is grossly unpleasant.  See, it could have been worse.

You take the good.  You take the bad.  You take them both and there you have the facts of meeting prospective dating partners online.