Friday, October 15, 2010

Of Mike and Ends

Photos from two historic days in the life of this hockey fan. April 8 is one of the photos I snapped at the game. The October 14 photo was taken by someone else. Both days I was firmly ensconsed in the American Airlines Center to watch my Dallas Stars play.

April 8th, the last day I would see Mike Modano playing for the Stars in the AAC. For most of us fans, we thought we were looking at our star on the verge of retirement. The #1 American born hockey player, every record with the Stars. Northstars, Dallas Stars, it doesn't matter it was the Stars. 21 years with all incarnations of the team. He is, was, and will always be THE face of hockey in Texas.

But like all good things, they must come to an end. At that last home game, I, along with 18,000 fans cheered him until we were hoarse. Cried when he cried and felt our hearts break just a little knowing that he would no longer be flying down the ice with his sweater flying out behind him.

I was okay knowing that he was going to retire. Or so I thought.

I guess leaving the sport that is as much a part of your physiology as breathing is difficult at best, and excruciating at worse. I can imagine it would be like losing a limb. I guess Mike couldn't leave hockey any more than he could sever his own arm.

But never in a million years did I think he would don the sweater of the Detroit Red Wings. The Red Wings, like the New York Yankees, are a much hated and loved team. Personally, I hate them. So for my Mike to give up retirement from the Stars and sign with Detroit was a dagger in my heart. I was crushed...and ANGRY.

Mike giving voice to retirement and signing with someone else is like Emmitt Smith going to the Cardinals or Brett Favre saying he was retiring. It's just not right.

So after spending 6 months angry, I had to wait for my hockey therapy. Who would have thought that the home opener this year would be one for the hockey storybooks? It couldn't have been scripted any better. Dallas opened at home against Mike Modano and the Red Wings in front of a sold out arena.

You couldn't miss Mike when he stepped out on the ice for the skate around or walking out from the visitor's tunnel at the start of the game. It was surreal. My Mike wearing red and white. My Mike playing on another team. I was prepared to cry. I did tear up when the Stars flashed "Thank You, Mike" on the jumbotron and the camera panned to him. Huge cheers as he stood and acknowledged the crowd. I could have sworn he was teary eyed.

And as quickly as the tribute started it was over. And that's the way it should have been. 60 minutes of great hockey. The Stars dominated the Wings, and in the midst of it all, I forgot to watch Detroit's Mike.

So my dear Mikey Mo, you're free. My heart belongs to the Dallas Stars and while I have your rookie card and an autographed picture...while your jersey hangs in my closet and above all hockey players I will forever adore and love you; I set you free.

Enjoy the blip of time you spend with Detroit. Even if you don't know it, I do; Dallas will always have your heart and you will always be in ours.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Say Goodbye to Russet Shadows

He decided he wanted to move on down the road and not co-blog. "Our posts didn't overlap, you own the blog, blah blah blah" So if you follow this blog because he posts here, you'll have to find him elsewhere.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Diary of a MDW - 9/10/10

Dear Diary,

Its been almost a month since I decided to write about my journey. Russet thinks I wasn't mad or angsty enough in my original post. I suppose it was rather benign; however, I have been angry about being diabetic for a long time. Fear, annoyance, anger, depression...I've felt it all since the diagnosis. For the last couple of years though, it's been anger and deep, dark depression, oppressive misery. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Gloom. Despair. And agony on me. Whoa, a HeeHaw flashback.

What Russet doesn't realize is that I have been horribly angry. I've been shooting the finger at diabetes, but not doing a darn thing about it. I've been living my life without a care while knowing that I have been shortening my life span by about 20 years if not more. I mask the anger well.

But something changed on 8/18. That day was the beginning of a new day and an answer to years of prayer. It was as though a switch had been flipped. With strength from Him, I started an eating plan to combat the trauma I have been inflicting on myself.

I cannot convey how incredible I feel. Everything has changed. I reminded myself that my body is a temple, forged by our Creator to be used for His Glory. I am also looking at life with fresh eyes. I may not be where I want to be in life, but I have to believe this is where God wants me to be. He is giving me the answers I need. More than that, I know He is guiding my every step right now. How do I know? Well, I have been on track for 4 weeks with my eating. I am seeing amazing results. Blood sugar readings are getting normal, my energy is up, depression is gone. It's a new me.

Funny, I'm upset that my new low fasting readings, which are half of what they had been are annoying me. I want to do better. I want to fulfill my purpose in this life. Sitting around and eating myself to death isn't the answer. I'm filling my body with healthy foods. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, organic milk, grass fed beef, pastured chickens. Foods the way God intended them to be. In this 4 week period, I have eating prepared foods (restaurant) 3 times. 3 TIMES! Before, I could eat prepared foods 3 times in one day.

You know, it's good to be alive and a child of God.

Diary, I'll be back in another month.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Diary of a Mad Diabetic Woman

Dear Diary,

I've decided to blog about my diabetic journey and where is has/will lead me over the next several days, weeks, months, years.

I can say without hesitation that this has not been an enjoyable process. I was diagnosed 2002-2003 as a Type 2. Easily treatable with diet, exercise and some oral meds. No matter how easy you think it will be, it isn't. I spent a lot of time being in denial about it. No one wants to be a diabetic. A lot of people will spend too much of their time telling you what you should or shouldn't eat. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh, can you eat that?" Grrrrr!

Yes, I can eat it. The question is "Should I?" The answer more often than not, is a resounding NO!

For the first year, I did really well. Watching what I ate, exercising, taking my meds. All to no avail. My HbA1C wasn't getting any better, so the doctor added more meds. I hate taking medication. Unfortunately, all of this made me rebel. I finally decided to see an endocrinologist after a year of working out and not having any success with losing weight or getting my readings back in line.

Well golly gee, it's the meds. The cure is as bad as the disease. One of the meds hindered weight loss, but the doctor wanted me to lose weight. That was the point I said, "Screw it!" And for the next 5 years, that's pretty much been my attitude.

The last few months have been hellish for me. Between the stress of work and life in general, I've not been very happy. In fact, I've been seriously depressed. As a woman of faith, I know that God will see me through all of this, but for a while there, I felt He had turned his back on me. That's not the case. I've been praying diligently for peace and comfort. I want my joy back. I want to feel alive instead of going through the motions.

Well, God answered my prayers about a month ago. My parents ordered a book called The Diabetic Dtour by Prevention Magazine. They were on the verge of returning it when I saw it on the coffee table. I asked if I could take it home. It sat here for 3 weeks before I picked it up.

This past Wednesday, August 18, 2010, was my new beginning. I started Day 1. Horrible day. I was so incredibly hungry. I knew it was a result of putting good foods into my body. 3 meals, 2 snacks and I was ready to gnaw my arm off. But I did not shy away. I am currently on Day 5. My energy is already better. I'm not so hungry anymore. My blood sugar readings are getting better. I've lost some weight, mostly water from eliminating the salty foods.

The program says you can lose up to 13 lbs within the first two weeks. I won't know what I've lost to date until I officially weigh in on Wednesday morning as I start Week 2 of the Quick Start.

The food, all my own, has been great! I've followed the plan 98% with a couple of deviations. I have lost the cravings I've had for junky foods. I'm enjoying the whole grains and fresh fruits. I've been taking lunch and cooking dinner every night. It not easy by any stretch, but I have to do this if I want to be around for another 40+ years.

So thanks be to God for answering prayers. I've eaten better in the last 5 days than I have in the last 5 months. I've already experienced an initial 75 point drop in my fasting readings. I know it will fluctuate, but I can't let it get me down when it is elevated. I have to keep my eye on keeping it steady and continuing to drop. As I have said to friends, something is better than nothing.

I have to remind myself that my body is a temple for the glory of God and I need to treat it that way.

Goodnight, Diary. I'll be back in a few days.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

2010 - The End of Eras

....Simply put, all good things must end....

To say that 2010 has been a difficult year would be an understatement.
  • My company, which prided itself on being a forward thinking organization proved that greed exists no matter what the executives of the company might say. We were "merged" with another organization. What was once the corporate office has slowly been dismantled. Through RIFs and self-terminations, we are down to 18-20 people; hanging on to the hope that we will be kept as a service center with the new organization.
  • Texas Stadium - that venerable behemoth, the daily milepost on my commute to work. A place where I saw my high school football team be crushed by defeat or vaulted towards state championships. The home of the Dallas Cowboys. A legend in its own right. In April it was imploded. Now my daily commute includes a rather sizeable pile of rubble which is slowly being whittled down.
  • Mike Modano - oh how my heart hurts today. A future Hall of Famer, the most honored American born hockey player. This fan thought he said goodbye at the last home game of the season. It was something to see this guy cry, unabashedly moved by the outpouring of love from the fans. I bawled like a baby. Then to watch the final season game in Minnesota, where his storied career began....yes, I bawled like a baby.

    Today, though, his story with the Stars reaches its finality. The end of his days as a Dallas Stars, THE Dallas Star. This team, the only team he for whom he has ever played, made the decision to not extend his contract. As a fan, I am so wounded. I wanted Mike to retire from this team. I'm sure many of us did. I can't imagine him in the uniform of another club.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


...Mary Carillo is a GENIUS....

Get out of town, a brilliant journalist. Often times "brilliant journalist" falls under the term "oxymoron". This is one such time.

During a recent prime time broadcast of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics, Mary was in conversation with either Al Michaels or Bob Costas. According to Mary, "90% of Canadians live between our border and theirs." REALLY??? And the other 10% are what? Ex-pats living in a remote mountain village in Nepal?

I realize she meant to say that 90% of Canadians live within close proximity to the US Border. However, I had this mental map image of the borders with dots for all the Canadians living in Canada and10% hovering over Iceland.

I'm certain she didn't mean to sound like an idiot. It's ok Mary, I have learned to speak "stupid" and was able to translate.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Welcome to 2010

Ahhh my first post of the new year. Whoohoo! Somewhere in the morass of 2009, I lost my creative juices. Perhaps it was drained around the same time I began losing my mind. Seriously though, this year has to be better than the last.

I'm scaling back and exercising self-discipline. What a challenge. First, I'm back in church. REGULARLY. I took almost six months off and came back to a sermon entitled "Every Day With Jesus"...can you say "ouch" for the slap upside the head I received. I haven't quite figured out how the ministers know exactly what to say (translation...what I need to hear).

I am reading the daily devotionals, I'm reading my chronological bible. I am thinking about getting plugged in, but have reservations. Again with the "single" dilemma. Don't have kids, don't have a spouse....blech. But I'm sure I'll find something.

I'm making some serious changes to eating and exercise habits. I'm taking control of my health, something I should have done years ago, but it's better late than never. Besides, I don't want to have to deal with the pending doom of government health care. It costs more and covers less.

I've halved my guitar lessons. Tragic. But it's too difficult when working full time, having a life and other interests, to make a weekly session. However, since I adore my instructor, I couldn't bear to leave him, so I am taking lessons every other week. He made me a very happy girl by tabbing out some small portions to "Die Hard The Hunter" and "Fade to Black" so I can dabble with it. I see an electric guitar in my near future. Trust me when I say these don't have the same impact on a classical guitar.

I am "Dave Ramsey"ing myself. There will be a huge garage sale this spring at Casa de Indie. A chore I do not relish; however, it must be done. I am currently spring cleaning and decluttering. I still haven't figured out how one person can gather so much STUFF.

I am also contemplating a career change. Still don't know what it is I want to be when I grow up, but it's not this.

So, there are my first 14 days of 2010 in a nutshell.