Wednesday, June 04, 2014

I Really Don't Know. It's Like a Surprise To My Notice

In a word, HUH???  Oh my, someone let the crazies loose on Christian Mingle.  

First, to everyone who is in a committed relationship or married, please know that you are lucky. Being single these days is really horrid.  Don't get me wrong, all of us single folk aren't crazy.  I'm just not sure why I seem to attract them on these sites.

Do they circle around waiting for fresh faces to appear then pounce?  Fins to the left, fins to the right.  Sorry I digressed into a moment of Jimmy Buffet.  June 21st my friends!  


Guy #1 - Chris - 50 y/o Beverly Hills, CA.  First, my profile says within 100 miles of Fort Worth.  Strike 1 - you can't read.  Strike 2 - your first email to me is 6 paragraphs long.  Strike 3...this excerpt.

I am honest and I don't like to lie and I hate lie, deception and dupery. I help my friends if they have problems. I am faithful in friendship and in love. I do what I say and what I think. All my acts in my life reflect my mind. I am easy to live and I hate quarrellings. My dream is to get married again to a lovely woman that will be called my wife and life time partner.I need a loving and caring person besides me. I'd like to spend as much time as possible together, to share problems like: sorrow, joy and thoughts.

I don't like to lie?  Does that mean you do, but you simply don't enjoy it?  But, you also hate lie.  Do you mean you hate lying McLiarsons?  Dupery?  Whaa, huh?  I am easy to live?  Hey, Captain Obvious, when you marry someone, she is usually called your wife.  Apparently, sorry, joy, and thoughts are also problems. 

Oh dear Chris, thank you for your email.  I proceeded to ask if he was American because his writing pattern, the words, and cadence with which he wrote didn't match what I am used to seeing.

I received this.  "I really don't know it's like a surprise to my notice, well I will like you to open a yahoo account so I can show myself to you on a webcam"

I think someone is hitting the google translator a wee bit too hard.  Needless to say I let him down gently.  Really, if you hate dupery, why not just tell me the truth?  It's like the man on Match who said his name was Dave in his profile and Curt in his email.  I busted him.  He's changed his profile.

Dear Lord, send me one sweet, normal, non dupery man.  Please.

1 comment:

RhapsodyInProse said...

That was concise and spot-on hilarious. Dupery for the loss!