Friday, June 06, 2014

Goodbye, My Name Is Debbie

Here is the entire email from Mike on Match:

Hello, my name Is Mike. Looks like we have a few things in common, so I decided to reach out n make contact n c if u r interested. I teach n coach basketball at my HS. I love wking kids. If u r interested, please write back. Look forward to hearing from u. Thanks for reading.

I have not responded.  Actually, I can't respond because I am a bit flabbergasted and realize any response I make right now would not be polite.

In my head, it goes something like:

"Mike, in a wrld whre u gt one chnce 2 mke uh 1st imprssn, 1 wud thk ud use real wrds vs ltrs.  I love the written word.  Your email has convinced me that you are not as erudite as I would desire in someone with whom I could possibly engage in a relationship.  In fact, such lazy diction in a first email reveals that state of our culture and thoroughly explains the state of our educational system.   Might I suggest a dictionary for the words you do not understand?  While I applaud your courage for reaching out, your email does nothing to elicit my interest; however, it does explain why you are a coach."

Oh snap!  

Because I am a kind-hearted, I will probably respond using really small, but nice words.  Just because I'm good like that.

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