Here is the entire email from Mike on Match:
Hello, my name Is Mike. Looks like we have a few things in common, so I decided to reach out n make contact n c if u r interested. I teach n coach basketball at my HS. I love wking kids. If u r interested, please write back. Look forward to hearing from u. Thanks for reading.
I have not responded. Actually, I can't respond because I am a bit flabbergasted and realize any response I make right now would not be polite.
In my head, it goes something like:
"Mike, in a wrld whre u gt one chnce 2 mke uh 1st imprssn, 1 wud thk ud use real wrds vs ltrs. I love the written word. Your email has convinced me that you are not as erudite as I would desire in someone with whom I could possibly engage in a relationship. In fact, such lazy diction in a first email reveals that state of our culture and thoroughly explains the state of our educational system. Might I suggest a dictionary for the words you do not understand? While I applaud your courage for reaching out, your email does nothing to elicit my interest; however, it does explain why you are a coach."
Because I am a kind-hearted, I will probably respond using really small, but nice words. Just because I'm good like that.